Changes In My Life - Walk with God

Never thought that I'll do this kind of thing in my life. It's really a great and huge changes in my life. I fell once very very hard, even I almost give up on myself. However, God took me up and strengthen me. 

Well, full time for me is actually for those who's very strong in spirit and very close with God. I ever thought to work in full time but I don't even prepare for that. Until last year, 2012, end of the year, a leader came to me and talked to me and asked whether I want to join The Ambassadors Programme. Back to home I went to ask my parents, they agreed and support me. Then I started to pray for that, and I summit the form to my Priest in charge. While I'm waiting for the acceptance, I continued to pray and pray. And lastly, I'd been accepted! A new journey of my life began. I know it wouldn't be easy, I know it will be tough and rough but I will learn to rely on Him, my Lord. 

I've went through my first cycle of the course and practical. I learnt a lot and experience a lot. I'd also passed my theological exam. My life now is totally different than before, really different. I'm very glad that I've made this changes in my life. God is always by my side whenever I need or I don't. He won't let me face those hard moments alone. I'm so secure!  

Now, I'll hold Him tightly and never let Him go. I'll lay my life in His hands for Him to use and equip! 

Lord, Show me Your way

Tell me what's right, what's wrong. Tell me which is true, which is fake. Teach me how to make a decision. Teach me how to sure that I'm in the right way. Sometimes I just feel so tired, lot of things that tiring me, made me feel so lost, but I know you're always there for me. Please show me your way in my life. I need it to be my guide line. Sometimes I'm feeling depressed, everything seems to be the matters that may blow up my mind. Sometimes I might feel not myself, just like a doll, have no spirit inside and do things aimlessly. Every of this just make me feel so tired and tiring me always. I may wish to cry hard just to vent it out, but it seems so hard to me. I can't cry in front of my staff, they may think I'm weak and useless; I can't cry in front of my family, they may worried and I can't give them a reason; i can't cry in front of my friends, even ya they also can't help in any. I may wish to cry when I'm alone. It's need to be release out from me, but I just found it so hard. I come to you in silence, but You know what's wrong with me. I may can't tell what happen with me, but You know everything. You know my weakness, You know me well. When I can't speak in tongue, when I keep in silent, I come before you, You know what I need, You know what I want to tell. When everything blowing me up, Lord, please bring me to you. I found peace when I come to you, You comforted me. I need You so much! I am just not myself when I am without You. You made the real me, You build the whole me. Every time I come before You, You just let me feel free, You just take off all my burden. All I need to do is just stay beside You, listen to Your words and live it out. Lord, thank You for always being there for me whenever I need or I don't. Lord, please tell me Your plan in my life and be with me always, I can't work it out by myself but with You. Lord please lead me, guide me, tell me what to do next. I will and I can do it by the strength You've given me. Thank You Lord for everything. Amen!

~~Clear~~

Hmmm~~ Sometimes.. It's just very easy to love someone.. But when you want to leave.. You'll found that's so hard...

I love someone so much before.. I really do.. When I know that we are not longer could be together.. I'm been hurt... Really hurt so so deep... I choose to leave... But it is too hard for me..

Somehow.. When I know that he is still loving me... I'm really really happy.. We just like back to before.. The way we talk are just same as before... I'm thinking that we still have chance.. Can be together just like before... But I totally did not expect that he will hurt me the second times... Actually he had hurt me three times... Hmm... He say... I love you.. But we really cannot be together.. I could not understand... He say we can't be together.. Why still want to tell me that he still love me.. I really can't understand... He say.. Hope I can found a nicer boyfriend.. Okay! Don't he know that I love him very very much?! Whatever...

My friend told me... Let it go.. Just let it go... Don't hold it tightly.. It's will hurt you more deeper..

Thinking what my friend had told me.. Thinking that why I'm so stupid.. Waiting in a love that have no result.. What my friend told me is true... Why don't I just let it go.. This guy had hurt me three times! Why don't I just let it go.. Then I could be free.. Hmm..

It's easy to love.. Also hard to let it go... But think clearly.. It's not really hard to let go too... Just see what's the way you take... I take a easier way for me.. I love you .. I really do... But it just not same as before.. =]

I'm clear with what I walking in now... =]

~~Love is good all the time~~

懂了

对于时间的流逝
感觉自己好像想开很多事情了
慢慢的懂事多了
前阵子
总是把自己困在感情当中
期待会改变什么
但
什么也没改变
期待会发生什么
但
什么也没发生
我还站着干什么呢？
提一提脚
甩甩鞋底
往前踏
就走了丫
常听人说：放手吧，忘了他吧
我会放手
但我不会忘
因这是我回忆里的一部分
我干啥把它忘掉呢？
N年后
我还能回头望望呢

别说
分手了，就不爱了
其实，我还爱你
只是，我会用另外一个方式爱你

两个人的爱情本就该是相爱的
没有一厢情愿或是单相恋
虽说爱情是不求回报的
不过一直对一个不懂你付出的人付出
受伤的总是自己
倒不如
放手
换个方式来爱你

还有
[[我会好好爱自己]]

empty

This year I'm going to sit for my SPM already.. But until now I still feel I'm just empty.. Teacher teaching I sleeping.. Teacher talking I gossip.. What teacher ask us to do I copy from my friend.. ARR!!! If I'm like this how am I going to sit for my SPM?!
I really have put a lot of effort on my study.. I also have try to concentrate while teacher teaching.. But I still get nothing!! I'm empty!! I don't want!! I don't want to fail my SPM!! My BM is weak.. But I've no idea to improve it.. Teacher told the class to do the homework she gave then slowly you can improve your BM.. Bur teacher.. I done it.. But I still don't know how to write a good essay~ Somemore.. My Biology, Chemistry, Physics all also I do NOT know how to do and what it's saying about!
I feel the darkness in front me.. I didn't have the courage to sit for my examination.. I study in the best class.. But I know I more suit to study in the weak class.. I feel stressful in this good class.. All of them get good result in their examination.. But me!! I get the worst, the worstest result in this class!! I feel ashame in this class.. Teacher! Why you don't let me to change my class last year?!! Do you know you make me feel myself are so useless?!!
I really hate to study.. But without my SPM certificate I just can do nothing.. But if i fail my BM, i get the SPM certificate also useless! What am I suppose to do?! I really don't know.. I lost my way.. I only feel the empty upon me..
Whatever.. Nevermind.. I will try.. Try my best.. To not let my SPM fail.. I will let it pass.. Hope I really can!

I'm Okay

i don't know why you guys will know my blog.. i really really no idea why you guys want to read it.. if you feeling not good you can take it as nothing.. i didn't want you or ask you to take it seriously.. i just wrote out my feeling.. i will wrote this kind of thing just because i can't take it anymore.. i just want to vent it out.. if not i really really will be very suffer.. i wrote out my things just because i'm still remember.. i didn't mean want he also remembrance it.. I DIDN'T ASK!! i know you are shooting on me.. but please.. don't misunderstand okay!! all i wrote i'm just mean nothing.. i have no others meaning.. i know you also feeling not good.. but you though i'm feeling good?!! no!!!! i cant put it down!! even i'd try so many time.. i don't know why.. i admit that i really still have feel with him.. but i'm not and didn't asking him to come back my side!! the relationship between he and i are just such good friend.. i will not break this relation with him.. never ever.. i'm content with this relation.. i didn't ask more from this.. i'm enough.. i just want him will remember me.. look me as his good friend then I'M ENOUGH!! really enough.. you do not need to worry about.. you mind at ease.. i will not break this chain.. NEVER!! please leave me away.. don't try to hurt me.. i really really can't take it anymore.. please.. and please let me go well with some.. i'm now very fragile.. please don't hurt me anymore. . . . . . . . . . .

仅属回忆

你～我深爱的人，曾经相爱过，曾经相恋过，却因某些幼稚的原因而分开了…我如此的难过，哭了一遍又一遍，虽是我提起的，但你也却毫不犹豫的答应我…其实你知道吗…我内心是多么希望你会挽回我，我在内心深处呐喊，你却一点也听不见…
如今回想起我们在一起的日子，虽然有吵有泪，但也蛮甜蜜的…在一起的时候，我总是埋怨你不关心我，你不在乎我，但其实，现在想回去，你是多么关心我，多么在乎我。你怕我受伤，所以不让我做危险性的东西…你怕我饿了，所以一直重复的问我吃了没有…你怕我生病，所以一直叫我多喝水，注意饮食，照顾身体。记得有一次，我烫伤了手，你什么都不管的就跑到我身边来，问我怎样了，还叫我把手给你…但那时我却叫你走开，不过其实我心中是多么希望你来关心我，但我也不想让你知道…
有时候，我们还会为了一些鸡毛栓皮的事情吵架…比如，我看见你泡妞，我就和你闹脾气…不然就是，你看见我和另一个男生很要好，你就吃醋不理我…小气，你不知道我是爱你的吗…笨蛋！记得有几次，我们闹得很大，我几乎天天都在哭，连你的兄弟都知道，但你却不知道，我的心都碎了…不过后来，不知怎么搞的，我们就和好了…然后一直在聊，明确说应该是解释，情侣吵架都是双方的不对，所以我们很快就化开了…
你知道吗～我喜欢轻轻地握着你的手，然后睡在你的肩膀。你知道吗～我更喜欢当我说我累了的时候，你就一把的把我拉到你旁边睡在你的肩膀。我喜欢你的很对很多…但我爱你更多更多…
之前分手只因为不够了解你，现在了解了却不能重来…
算了，我写出来并不是想挽回什么，我只是想把我心中的一切说出来，也许，因为这样我就能潇洒的解脱，再也没有遗憾… 但我还是想让你知道，我对你是真的，我很的很爱很爱你。。