Some Thought.

As the time passing by, feeling each day older than the day before...... lot of things happening and happened, lot of thoughts running through...... Just a minute or only a second of realization, I'm changing each day, whether good or bad...... You gotta accept something that you've no idea how to actually accept but only to accept it like seriously. You're not sure whether are you mature or just ignorant, for things that happen foolishly, you have no idea to prevent but to let it happen right in front of your eyes. You know you should do something but the situation just won't let you to do so. At that moment of time, you learned, you learned how just keep it off from you and stand aside. You thought you're strong enough to let go but that things will stay in your mind and bother you unexpectedly. Whether or not, you have to choose to forgive and let go even if you don't want to.

Most of the time I’m actually thinking, if I could control the things happening around me, it would be good but I know I don’t have any of that ability. What I could only do is, change myself and accept the reality. I would like to say accept the truth but apparently I’m confused if it’s the truth, so I would only say it’s only reality. People around you are changing every day, included yourself as I said earlier. Even sometime the person you’re closest to will do things that you don’t wish to happen. What you can really do is only accept and forgive. Yes, accept and forgive. Otherwise you’re the one who bear the pain.

I wish every of my friend wouldn't get hurt and always stay happy. Yet, something will just ruin your wish like nobody. You can only watch it, accept it and forgive. Even if you lend a hand to help, people will think that you’re harming them. Or they will just ignore your help and continue their path which I cannot bear when I know they’re facing real difficulties. That’s what people always say, reality. I wish I never have to deal with all these. I wish my life could be very simple. I wish everything goes well. I wish I could still make things out with people. I wish I had never cares so much. I wish everything will be at place. I wish, that’s only I wish. When things come I still gotta face it.

Sometimes, I wish life can be a little bit simple for me to catch it and live it. Now, I really wish to take a break and escape from the reality and get in touch with the nature and not to think a thing. Just to relax my mind and get some breathe. However, I still needed to face the reality and solve the problems.

Lord, please give me wisdom and strength to go through the life’s difficulties. 

Changes In My Life - Walk with God

Never thought that I'll do this kind of thing in my life. It's really a great and huge changes in my life. I fell once very very hard, even I almost give up on myself. However, God took me up and strengthen me. 

Well, full time for me is actually for those who's very strong in spirit and very close with God. I ever thought to work in full time but I don't even prepare for that. Until last year, 2012, end of the year, a leader came to me and talked to me and asked whether I want to join The Ambassadors Programme. Back to home I went to ask my parents, they agreed and support me. Then I started to pray for that, and I summit the form to my Priest in charge. While I'm waiting for the acceptance, I continued to pray and pray. And lastly, I'd been accepted! A new journey of my life began. I know it wouldn't be easy, I know it will be tough and rough but I will learn to rely on Him, my Lord. 

I've went through my first cycle of the course and practical. I learnt a lot and experience a lot. I'd also passed my theological exam. My life now is totally different than before, really different. I'm very glad that I've made this changes in my life. God is always by my side whenever I need or I don't. He won't let me face those hard moments alone. I'm so secure!  

Now, I'll hold Him tightly and never let Him go. I'll lay my life in His hands for Him to use and equip! 

Lord, Show me Your way

Tell me what's right, what's wrong. Tell me which is true, which is fake. Teach me how to make a decision. Teach me how to sure that I'm in the right way. Sometimes I just feel so tired, lot of things that tiring me, made me feel so lost, but I know you're always there for me. Please show me your way in my life. I need it to be my guide line. Sometimes I'm feeling depressed, everything seems to be the matters that may blow up my mind. Sometimes I might feel not myself, just like a doll, have no spirit inside and do things aimlessly. Every of this just make me feel so tired and tiring me always. I may wish to cry hard just to vent it out, but it seems so hard to me. I can't cry in front of my staff, they may think I'm weak and useless; I can't cry in front of my family, they may worried and I can't give them a reason; i can't cry in front of my friends, even ya they also can't help in any. I may wish to cry when I'm alone. It's need to be release out from me, but I just found it so hard. I come to you in silence, but You know what's wrong with me. I may can't tell what happen with me, but You know everything. You know my weakness, You know me well. When I can't speak in tongue, when I keep in silent, I come before you, You know what I need, You know what I want to tell. When everything blowing me up, Lord, please bring me to you. I found peace when I come to you, You comforted me. I need You so much! I am just not myself when I am without You. You made the real me, You build the whole me. Every time I come before You, You just let me feel free, You just take off all my burden. All I need to do is just stay beside You, listen to Your words and live it out. Lord, thank You for always being there for me whenever I need or I don't. Lord, please tell me Your plan in my life and be with me always, I can't work it out by myself but with You. Lord please lead me, guide me, tell me what to do next. I will and I can do it by the strength You've given me. Thank You Lord for everything. Amen!

~~Clear~~

Hmmm~~ Sometimes.. It's just very easy to love someone.. But when you want to leave.. You'll found that's so hard...

I love someone so much before.. I really do.. When I know that we are not longer could be together.. I'm been hurt... Really hurt so so deep... I choose to leave... But it is too hard for me..

Somehow.. When I know that he is still loving me... I'm really really happy.. We just like back to before.. The way we talk are just same as before... I'm thinking that we still have chance.. Can be together just like before... But I totally did not expect that he will hurt me the second times... Actually he had hurt me three times... Hmm... He say... I love you.. But we really cannot be together.. I could not understand... He say we can't be together.. Why still want to tell me that he still love me.. I really can't understand... He say.. Hope I can found a nicer boyfriend.. Okay! Don't he know that I love him very very much?! Whatever...

My friend told me... Let it go.. Just let it go... Don't hold it tightly.. It's will hurt you more deeper..

Thinking what my friend had told me.. Thinking that why I'm so stupid.. Waiting in a love that have no result.. What my friend told me is true... Why don't I just let it go.. This guy had hurt me three times! Why don't I just let it go.. Then I could be free.. Hmm..

It's easy to love.. Also hard to let it go... But think clearly.. It's not really hard to let go too... Just see what's the way you take... I take a easier way for me.. I love you .. I really do... But it just not same as before.. =]

I'm clear with what I walking in now... =]

~~Love is good all the time~~

懂了

对于时间的流逝
感觉自己好像想开很多事情了
慢慢的懂事多了
前阵子
总是把自己困在感情当中
期待会改变什么
但
什么也没改变
期待会发生什么
但
什么也没发生
我还站着干什么呢？
提一提脚
甩甩鞋底
往前踏
就走了丫
常听人说：放手吧，忘了他吧
我会放手
但我不会忘
因这是我回忆里的一部分
我干啥把它忘掉呢？
N年后
我还能回头望望呢

别说
分手了，就不爱了
其实，我还爱你
只是，我会用另外一个方式爱你

两个人的爱情本就该是相爱的
没有一厢情愿或是单相恋
虽说爱情是不求回报的
不过一直对一个不懂你付出的人付出
受伤的总是自己
倒不如
放手
换个方式来爱你

还有
[[我会好好爱自己]]

empty

This year I'm going to sit for my SPM already.. But until now I still feel I'm just empty.. Teacher teaching I sleeping.. Teacher talking I gossip.. What teacher ask us to do I copy from my friend.. ARR!!! If I'm like this how am I going to sit for my SPM?!
I really have put a lot of effort on my study.. I also have try to concentrate while teacher teaching.. But I still get nothing!! I'm empty!! I don't want!! I don't want to fail my SPM!! My BM is weak.. But I've no idea to improve it.. Teacher told the class to do the homework she gave then slowly you can improve your BM.. Bur teacher.. I done it.. But I still don't know how to write a good essay~ Somemore.. My Biology, Chemistry, Physics all also I do NOT know how to do and what it's saying about!
I feel the darkness in front me.. I didn't have the courage to sit for my examination.. I study in the best class.. But I know I more suit to study in the weak class.. I feel stressful in this good class.. All of them get good result in their examination.. But me!! I get the worst, the worstest result in this class!! I feel ashame in this class.. Teacher! Why you don't let me to change my class last year?!! Do you know you make me feel myself are so useless?!!
I really hate to study.. But without my SPM certificate I just can do nothing.. But if i fail my BM, i get the SPM certificate also useless! What am I suppose to do?! I really don't know.. I lost my way.. I only feel the empty upon me..
Whatever.. Nevermind.. I will try.. Try my best.. To not let my SPM fail.. I will let it pass.. Hope I really can!

I'm Okay

i don't know why you guys will know my blog.. i really really no idea why you guys want to read it.. if you feeling not good you can take it as nothing.. i didn't want you or ask you to take it seriously.. i just wrote out my feeling.. i will wrote this kind of thing just because i can't take it anymore.. i just want to vent it out.. if not i really really will be very suffer.. i wrote out my things just because i'm still remember.. i didn't mean want he also remembrance it.. I DIDN'T ASK!! i know you are shooting on me.. but please.. don't misunderstand okay!! all i wrote i'm just mean nothing.. i have no others meaning.. i know you also feeling not good.. but you though i'm feeling good?!! no!!!! i cant put it down!! even i'd try so many time.. i don't know why.. i admit that i really still have feel with him.. but i'm not and didn't asking him to come back my side!! the relationship between he and i are just such good friend.. i will not break this relation with him.. never ever.. i'm content with this relation.. i didn't ask more from this.. i'm enough.. i just want him will remember me.. look me as his good friend then I'M ENOUGH!! really enough.. you do not need to worry about.. you mind at ease.. i will not break this chain.. NEVER!! please leave me away.. don't try to hurt me.. i really really can't take it anymore.. please.. and please let me go well with some.. i'm now very fragile.. please don't hurt me anymore. . . . . . . . . . .